What's it all about?

This course will focus on the relationship competency of appreciation, a form of honest expression. It’s about noticing what’s working well and saying that aloud more often than expressing what’s not working. 

Appreciation is a form of positive feedback that uses clear and specific terms to give attention to and keenly observe what is life-serving. It’s not about building someone’s self-esteem or offering praise. Appreciation practice lays the foundation for collaborative and vibrant relationships. It supports the ability to meet challenges with skill and grace, and contributes to resilience by creating a sense of confidence that each person’s good intentions and effective contributions are known and received. 

Appreciation as a form of honest expression is  likely changing the definition as you know it. When most people hear the word “appreciation,” they think of praise. Examples of praise include telling someone how great they are, complimenting them, and assigning positive labels like “sweet person,” “good parent,” or “hard worker.” Praise and positive judgments (or labels) are usually meant to be forms of celebration, but they are problematic for two reasons. 

First, judgments are static and simplistic and don’t represent all that  you are—an ever-changing flow of dynamic aliveness. Second, you may have experienced praise as a form of manipulation, an attempt to shape your behavior, or as a means to dole out rewards and punishments. These are tragic strategies that interfere with your ability to hear and benefit from positive feedback.

In Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, the word “celebration” is used synonymously with “appreciation.” In this context, when you share a celebration you express gratitude regarding something a particular person has done to contribute to particular needs for you. Listening to someone offer appreciation is really about hearing their experience of something you did, not their opinion of you. In a fundamental sense, when someone appreciates you, it’s not about you. It helps you get to know the person offering appreciation and how to contribute to them.