Topics for the Series: 

We will approach the practice of making requests from the inside out and the outside in. Like many important skills making requests requires internal resources as well as information and practice.

Internal Resources include:

• The ability to identify your needs as they arise.

• The ability to consider and guess other’s needs.

• Accessing a sense of trust that your needs matter equally with others’ needs

• Accessing a sense of trust that your needs are inherently valid

• Accessing a sense of trust that your needs can be met in harmony with the needs of others

• Accessing a sense of trust that consideration and collaboration with others is the best strategy for meeting your needs.

• Cultivating trust in multiple strategies to meet a single need.

External Resources (information and practice) include:

• Learning the difference between a wishes/hopes, demands, and requests

• Learning the words and phrases that support Needs-based negotiation

• Learning specific tools to manage reactivity such as fear of rejection, fear of interdependency, and beliefs that you have to do it on your own

• Learning how to break down overarching hopes or goals into small requests. Examples might include: “I would like recognition for the years I worked”, “I would like more presence”, “I want my kids to understand what I went through in the divorce”, “I would like to ask myself to be more loving”, “I would like to ask myself to be less reactive”, “I want my partner to be more understanding,'' etc.

• Being exposed to lots and lots of little requests; the words, phrases, and syntax

• Receiving validation and support from others that it’s okay to ask for what you need

Presentations and exercises will weave together these topics.