Is this you?

You know that when you have a healthy and compassionate relationship with yourself, your relationship with your partner improves. You recognize that healthy partnership means doing your own work to care for yourself and take responsibility for reactivity.

You recognize that reactivity is a part of life and at the same time you know that it doesn’t have to take over. You are ready to find a way to meet reactivity and find a new way through. You would like be on this journey with your partner, practicing new skills and bringing new levels of awareness into your everyday interactions.

What's it all about?

Creating a Shared Language: Better Communication for Couples is a comprehensive course that couples can access online and complete at home on their own schedule. The entire course is is 28 weeks long and organized around 12 Relationship competencies:

1. Appreciation 7.  Needs Based Negotiation
2. Empathy 8. Life Serving Boundaries
3. Honest Expression 9. Thriving & Resiliency
4. Self Empathy 10. Relationship Repair
5. Recognizing Reactivity
 11. Emotional Security
6. Managing Reactivity
 12. Healthy Differentiation

Each competency is defined and practiced through six skills that make up that competency. Each skill is defined in specific and doable terms so that you can be clear about whether you are using it or not. For each skill you will engage in a short exercise to help you understand and practice that skill. 

Part 2 focuses on the second set of three competencies: Self Empathy, Recognizing Reactivity and Managing Reactivity.  

Each competency requires a subtle level of self-awareness and attunement to others, as well as specific skills practice. Read more about the second three competencies.

"Working with my partner to understand how to communicate when they are experiencing reactivity improved our ability to connect even in when we are in a reactive state."

"Learning what an anchor is and how to find one was immensely helpful."

"It was helpful to identify and practice techniques for managing reactivity to be prepared for real world experiences."

"The coping strategies for managing reactivity in ourselves and others was really helpful."

"It was really helpful to identify reactivity in terms of how it looks and feels, it helped to recognize it both internally and in people around us."

"It was great to get more experience using the feelings and needs in discussion. The physical interaction in using the language by walking through the dance cards was great to internalize the learnings."

Register now

Start learning this powerful framework from the comfort of your home.

Get started now

How it works

  • Learning Schedule

    If you get behind, you have seven extra weeks to catch up. This format helps support you and your partner in your commitment to stay engaged throughout the duration of the course.

  • Weekly Reminders

    Each week, you will get an email reminder encouraging you to login and complete content for the course. You have the option to manage this feature.

  • Demonstrations

    Each week has three activities with demonstrations to help you get started in applying these skills in your relationship right away.

  • Live Connection

    Private sessions with Wise Heart's MCD Companions are offered to you at a discount while you are enrolled in the course.

Part 2 Curriculum

  • 1

    Welcome!

  • 2

    Week 1: Self Empathy

    • Benefits of Self Empathy

    • Check Point: Benefits of Self Empathy

    • Mindfulness

    • Objective 1 - Identify the difference between self-empathy and other responses to your experience

    • Check Point: Objective 1

    • Activity 1

    • Objective 2 - Identify at least 3 anchors / regulation strategies that you can use weekly / daily

    • Check Point: Objective 2

    • Activity 2

    • Objective 3 - Shared humanity: recall that others struggle with the same difficulties

    • Check Point: Objective 3

    • Activity 3

    • Nourishment barriers
  • 3

    Week 2: Self Empathy

    • Benefits of Self Empathy

    • Check Point: Benefits of Self Empathy

    • Mindfulness

    • Objective 1 - When you turn your attention toward them, be able to name feelings (emotions & sensations) as they arise

    • Check Point: Objective 1

    • Activity 1

    • Objective 2 - When you turn your attention toward them, identify universal needs as they arise

    • Check Point: Objective 2

    • Activity 2

    • Objective 3 - Stay anchored in the compassionate witness while engaged in a self empathy process

    • Check Point: Objective 3

    • Activity 3
  • 4

    Week 3: Recognizing Reactivity

    • Benefits of Recognizing Reactivity

    • Check Point: Recognizing Reactivity

    • Mindfulness

    • Objective 1 - Define and describe reactivity

    • Check Point: Objective 1

    • Activity 1

    • Objective 2 - Identify the signs of reactivity the moment it arises.

    • Check Point: Objective 2

    • Activity 2

    • Objective 3 - List from memory the 9 core needs most often associated with reactivity: safety, belonging, support/nourishment, autonomy, authenticity/intimacy, acceptance, love, to be seen/heard, inclusion

    • Check Point: Objective 3

    • Activity 3
  • 5

    Week 4: Recognizing Reactivity

    • Benefits of Recognizing Reactivity

    • Check Point: Benefits of Recognizing Reactivity

    • Mindfulness

    • Objective 1 - Identify your own “tender needs”

    • Check Point: Objective 1

    • Activity 1

    • Objective 2 - Identify nourishment barriers

    • Check Point: Objective 2

    • Activity 2

    • Objective 3 - Identify at least one sign of chronic / unconscious reactivity in yourself

    • Check Point: Objective 3

    • Activity 3

    • Self Empathy, Empathy, & Honest Expression handout
  • 6

    Week 5: Managing Reactivity

    • Benefits of Managing Reactivity

    • Check Point: Benefits of Managing Reactivity

    • Mindfulness

    • Objective 1 - Engage an “anchor” or any regulation strategy when you notice reactivity

    • Check Point: Objective 1

    • Activity 1

    • Objective 2 - Identify at least three interpersonal de-escalation strategies

    • Check Point: Objective 2

    • Activity 2

    • Objective 3 - Shift to empathy, self-empathy, or honesty the moment reactivity is identified

    • Check Point: Objective 3

    • Activity 3
  • 7

    Week 6: Managing Reactivity

    • Benefits of Managing Reactivity

    • Check Point: Managing Reactivity

    • Mindfulness

    • Objective 1 - Name the differences between useful feedback regarding unmet needs and blame or judgment

    • Check Point: Objective 1

    • Activity 1

    • Objective 2 - Engage in healing experiences related to tender needs.

    • Check Point: Objective 2

    • Activity 2

    • Objective 3 - Each time suspicion and mistrust come up for you, ask yourself: What else could be true? Express the benefit of the doubt and check in for clarity.

    • Check Point: Objective 3

    • Activity 3
  • 8

    Week 7: Integration

    • Benefits of Integration

    • Check Point: Benefits of Integration

    • Mindfulness

    • Objective 1

    • Check Point: Objective 1

    • Activity 1

    • Objective 2

    • Check Point: Objective 2

    • Activity 2

    • Objective 3

    • Check Point: Objective 3

    • Activity 3
  • 9

    Post-Course Survey

    • Partner A Course Feedback Survey Instructions

    • Partner A Course Feedback Survey

    • Partner B Course Feedback Survey Instructions

    • Partner B Course Feedback Survey

What you get

  • 7 weeks of content

  • Access to the content for 14 weeks (access to the content cannot be extended)

  • Comprehensive reference handouts that you can keep

Flexible payment options

You can pay in full, or opt to pay three installments.

Save when you buy together

  • 12 x $89.00

    12 x $89.00Creating a Shared Language: Better Communication for Couples

    Save over $100 when you buy all four parts together
    Buy Now